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Saturday, January 27, 2007

More than a year after he was taken from his prescription drug-addicted mother three weeks after birth, a Lufkin baby boy is thriving in his aunts' home in New Mexico.

"He's really come a long way," said his aunt Tamara Garlington, who is a stay-at-home mother to five children, including three of her own.

Contributed photo (ENLARGE)

Shawna and Tamara Garlington celebrate their nephew's first birthday. The couple received custody of the baby in December after a five-month custody battle against the child's court-appointed attorney in Angelina County.

Although the baby won't have any memory of it, he lived the first 11 months of his life in foster care before Tamara and Shawna Garlington were awarded custody of him and his big sister in an Angelina County courtroom.

According to a home study conducted by Child Protective Services, the Garlingtons had the perfect home environment to care for their niece and nephew. The children's state-appointed attorney, however, didn't believe the two mothers were appropriate parents.

The Garlingtons are a lesbian couple who, while not legally married, have been together for several years. In 2001 Tamara Garlington, older sister to the baby's mother, legally changed her last name and the names of her children to her partner's name.

"It became all about our lifestyle and not the kids," Shawna Garlington said. "I thought, 'They can't do that.' There are so many kids out there that don't have a home, and just because you are gay doesn't mean you can't give them a good home."

For the family, the memory and effects of a frustrating custody battle that began about a year ago are still there.

The baby boy, now just over a year old, is learning how to walk.

"Developmentally, he's three to four months behind," Tamara Garlington said. "You could tell he didn't have much interaction in foster care."

Fighting for Family in

the Face of Opposition

Not even a positive review from CPS following background checks and a home study could ease the process.

The court-ordered study found the Garlingtons financially stable and a couple who can meet the children's basic needs, said caseworker Lindsay Tomes.

Joe Martin, now a state prosecutor in Polk County, was appointed by the state to represent the interests of the children in the case while he was working as a defense attorney in Angelina County in 2006.

Attorneys are appointed to represent children's interests in most family law cases.

Martin said he disagreed with the Garlingtons' home study.

Calling it a "whitewash," he said the Garlingtons "had serious indications of instability due to previous relationships."

The couple has been together for more than eight years. Their oldest child is about 8.

Dawn Armstrong, a prosecuting attorney for the Angelina County District Attorney's Office and CPS, disagreed with Martin's reservations about the case.

"If you take it to heart, it would be the same thing as saying anyone who's ever been divorced is not a suitable caretaker for children, or single parents are not a suitable caretaker, and that's just not true," she said.

Martin said he is against homosexual couples rearing children.

"My job as the attorney ad litem was to present what I thought was best for the children, and I don't think it's best for any children to be placed in a homosexual family," he said. "Children are not laboratory experiments."

Martin said the best situation for the children — considering no other family members could care for them — was to place the siblings in foster care.

Children who are placed in foster care often bounce from home to home as families in the system become overwhelmed with caring for their children and foster children. Ultimately, the goal for CPS is place a child in a permanent home, said Shari Pulliam, public information officer for the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services.

Armstrong opposed Martin's statements.

"I think a close family relationship in a stable and loving home is always going to be superior to foster care," Armstrong said.

Gaining Custody

CPS' first step after a child has been removed from a home and placed into foster care is to contact immediate family, Pulliam said. A caseworker sits family members down and explains the situation, asking if anyone is interested in caring for the children.

"We put the power back in the family and want them to make the decisions (on what's best for the children)," Pulliam said.

The baby boy's mother had two other children, the oldest with his grandmother and a younger sister with the Garlingtons.

Already raising three boys together, the couple were the only other family members interested in caring for the two children.

During their CPS meeting, Tamara Garlington said she thought to herself, "I'm their aunt. I'm the one who can do this and the only one who will do this, and I'm going to do it."

A CPS caseworker visited the Garlingtons' home soon after, and documented their lifestyle on paper for an approaching custody hearing in July.

By law, sexual orientation is not a factor that plays into home study results or child placement, Pulliam said.

The agency gave the study an official stamp of approval, which typically is a green light for the family seeking custody, according to Pulliam. But not in the Garlingtons' case.

What CPS and the Garlingtons thought would be a quick process and transition for the children turned into a nightmare that dragged on until mid-December.

"It was kind of a cultural shock to see that people actually act that way," Shawna Garlington said. "I've come across some prejudiced people, but not like that."

During the course of the hearings, several faith-based communities voiced opposition to the Garlingtons' sexual orientation, Pulliam said. Meanwhile, the children remained in foster care for 11 months.

"The whole thing is kind of infuriating," Shawna Garlington said.

But she and her partner never lost hope.

"We talked about it a lot and decided to go all the way," Tamara Garlington said. "We had to for the kids, and for the other issue as well."

Caseworker Lindsay Tomes said she was impressed.

"This family proved their dedication. They went the distance for the children and wanted the children," she said.

On Dec. 18, Judge David Dunn, with the Southeast Texas Cluster Court, awarded the Garlingtons custody. Dunn is a judge based in Orange County who travels throughout Southeast Texas to hear child custody cases.

Five days before Christmas, Tomes flew the children out to New Mexico and personally placed the children with the Garlingtons.

"The kids are finally where they need to be," she said.

Raising four boys

and a girl

Tamara Garlington said her youngest son, 4, was so eager to see his cousins he offered to help change the baby's dirty diapers.

"He didn't know what he was signing up for," she said, laughing.

Since her niece and nephew arrived, the two have adjusted well.

The 8-year-old is settling in at school. She's made friends and recently signed up for cheerleading, Tamara Garlington said.

Six months ago, the baby's mother moved to Rio Rancho, N.M., for a new start. She has been off drugs and is holding a steady job, her sister said.

Rio Rancho is known to residents as the "City of Vision," a place where the Garlingtons say homosexual families are openly accepted. The city of about 60,000 people is a religious-based community where many alternative-lifestyle families reside and are accepted into local congregations, Tamara Garlington said.

The culture of Lufkin, located approximately 800 miles east, was a bit of a shock, she admitted.

"(Facing opposition) never crossed my mind," said the 35-year-old part-time college student, who is studying social work.

She said it has made her children more aware of objections to their parents' lifestyle.

"We have explained to them that all families are different, that some kids only have one mom, some only one dad, some only grandparents ... . There are a whole variety of families out there. Some people have two moms and some have two dads. And yes, there are people out there that do not think it's OK for someone to have two moms — two females together," she said.

Aside from what some view as an abnormal lifestyle, the Garlingtons are involved in every normality of their children's lives. From Chuck E. Cheese's visits to football and cheerleading practice, the couple has its hands full. While Shawna works during the day, Tamara shuffles the older kids off to school and then entertains the younger ones. Twice a week Tamara attends night classes at a local college and Shawna watches the children.

After a week filled with school, sports, sleepovers and play dates, the family of seven gathers for a meeting.

"We all sit around the table and everyone has their voice," Tamara Garlington said.

"If someone could just put a camera up for a day or a week, they would see our life is just like any other heterosexual couple."