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February 12 Colombia court backs rights for gay couplesRuling in case on inheritance buoys activistsBy Indira A.R. Lakshmanan, Globe Staff | February 9, 2007 BOGOTÁ, Colombia -- The Colombian Constitutional Court has ruled that same-sex couples are entitled to the same inheritance rights as Globe Headlines e-mail | Church leaders in Colombia said yesterday they had no objection to the ruling, which came late Wednesday, as long as it does not open the door for same-sex marriage or adoption. "This is a very important step, because it's the first time that any state entity is recognizing rights for same-sex couples here," said Virgilio Barco Isakson, president of the board of Colombia Diversa, a gay-rights group. Together with a public interest law group at the University of Los Andes, Colombia Diversa filed an antidiscrimination lawsuit last year against the restriction of common-law inheritance rights to heterosexual couples who had lived together for at least two years. As in Massachusetts, where same-sex marriage was approved by the state's high court rather than by the Legislature, the Colombian court ruling follows four failed attempts in Colombia's congress since 1999 to promote legislation guaranteeing economic and legal benefits to gay partners. A bill that would extend social security, health, and inheritance benefits to same-sex couples was approved by the Senate in October, and is currently before the lower house, which will debate the measure twice before voting in June. Gay-rights activists now have high hopes for the legislation, given the court's verdict that, at least in the context of inheritance rights, a "common law union" cannot be limited to a man and a woman. The bill's high-profile boosters, including President Álvaro Uribe, say they do not favor gay marriage or adoption, but that gays should be entitled to the same economic rights as heterosexuals. "The fact that the president supports it gave the bill a big boost; he has made the issue mainstream," said Barco, whose late father was president of Colombia in the late 1980s. In a sign of how widely accepted the notion of economic rights for gays may be here, the hierarchy of the Catholic Church has not condemned the ruling. In an interview yesterday, Monsignor Fabian Marulanda, secretary general of a Catholic bishops' conference of Colombia, said that giving gay couples inheritance rights "does nothing that conflicts with morality or ethics, it's just a legal matter. . . . Inheritance is a sacred right in the constitution for any citizen." Marulanda said, however, that the church could not abide the legalization of same-sex marriage or adoption. Discrimination and violence against lesbian, gay, and transgender people are serious problems throughout Latin America. But significant progress has been made in the past decade in promoting their legal rights, said Scott Long, director of the gay rights program at Human Rights Watch in New York. In 1998, Brazil's Superior Tribunal of Justice awarded a gay businessman half the estate of his deceased companion. Two years later, the Brazilian government granted same-sex couples the right to inherit each other's pension and social security benefits. But no constitutional court in Latin America had ever issued a ruling "so sweepingly affirming lesbian and gay couples' constitutional rights before this Colombian ruling," Long said. "It's a tribute to the Colombian court's progressive perspective." Mexico City, the northern Mexican state of Coahuila, and Buenos Aires now recognize gay civil unions, as do certain localities in Brazil. Ecuador has provisions in its 1998 constitution forbidding discrimination based on sexual orientation. Activists here hope Colombia's ruling will pave the way for other benefits enjoyed by heterosexual couples, such as the right not to testify against one's partner in a criminal case and protection from domestic violence. Paula Ettelbrick, executive director of the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission in New York, called the ruling "a stunning development. . . . This kind of step was the beginning of all sorts of recognition for gay couples in Europe and elsewhere." The verdict is the latest in a series of activist decisions by Colombia's constitutional court. Last year, the same court legalized abortion in certain cases and strengthened the rights of war victims under a law that granted favorable sentences to disarmed illegal militiamen. Eight of nine magistrates voted to extend inheritance rights; the ninth abstained, saying he favored extending more rights to gays. Marcela Sánchez, executive director of Colombia Diversa, called the ruling "a gain not only for the gay community, but for the whole country. It makes the country more inclusive, more democratic, more modern." Daniel Bonilla, a law professor at University of Los Andes who supervised the students who drafted the lawsuit, praised the court for its commitment "to the fundamental civil rights of Colombians, especially the most vulnerable groups: gays, women, victims of violence." Bill seeks end to counties' differences over gay adoption
CONCORD -- Gay couples across the state would gain the explicit right to adopt children together under a bill being proposed to end discrepancies in how each country handles such requests. The state's existing adoption law allows children to be adopted by married couples or single adults. Gay individuals can adopt children, but same-sex couples can adopt only in certain counties because probate judges interpret the law differently. Six counties -- Belknap, Carroll, Coos, Rockingham, Strafford and Sullivan -- have allowed same-sex couples to adopt. Probate judges in the other four -- Merrimack, Hillsborough, Cheshire and Grafton -- have not. Judges in those counties have said the language of the law does not apply to same-sex couples because they cannot legally marry in New Hampshire. In one Merrimack County case, two Concord women were denied in their attempt to both become the legal parents of their daughter. Betsy Peabody, who gave birth to the girl, wanted her partner of 14 years, Dianne Harhigh, to adopt their daughter, but Judge Richard Hampe said the best he could offer was dual guardianship. At the end of their case, both the women and Hampe agreed on one issue: The Legislature should clarify the law. Seeking to do just that, Rep. Frank Tupper, D-Canterbury, is co-sponsoring a bill that would allow unmarried couples to adopt a child if they live together and share financial obligations, such as rent or mortgage. "If two loving adults have proven they are in a committed fiscal relationship ... good Lord, give the child a two-parent home," said Tupper. Rep. Elizabeth Blanchard, D-Concord, co-sponsored the bill because she considered it a "no brainer." "If one person in the household can adopt a child, there is no reason they can't both adopt." Blanchard said the only criticism she has heard came by e-mail as a letter expressing support for "traditional" families of one mother and one father. Judge David King, administrative judge of the state's probate courts, said Hampe has read the proposal to ensure that it would sufficiently clarify the issue.
http://www.seacoastonline.com/news/02112007/nhnews-11sun-gayadoption.html February 08 Gay Teens sooner OUTUpdated 2/8/2007 7:32 AM ET
By Marilyn Elias, USA TODAY
Kate Haigh, 18, a high school senior in St. Paul, recalls attending her first meeting at the school's Gay-Straight Alliance club when she was in the ninth grade. "I said, 'My name is Kate, and I'm a lesbian.' It was so liberating. I felt like something huge had been lifted off my shoulders, and finally I had people to talk to."
Zach Lundin, 16, has brought boyfriends to several dances at his high school in suburban Seattle. Vance Smith wanted to start a club to support gay students at his rural Colorado school but says administrators balked. At age 15, Vance contacted a New York advocacy group that sent school officials a letter about students' legal rights. Now 17, Smith has his club. Gay teenagers are "coming out" earlier than ever, and many feel better about themselves than earlier generations of gays, youth leaders and researchers say. The change is happening in the wake of opinion polls that show growing acceptance of gays, more supportive adults and positive gay role models in popular media. "In my generation, you definitely didn't come out in high school. You had to move away from home to be gay," says Kevin Jennings, 43, executive director of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, a national group that promotes a positive school climate for gay children. "Now so many are out while they're still at home. They're more vocal than we were." Still, many continue to have a tough time. The worst off, experts say, are young people in conservative rural regions and children whose parents cannot abide having gay offspring. Taunting at school is still common. Cyber-bullying is "the new big thing," says Laura Sorensen of Affirmations Lesbian and Gay Community Center in Ferndale, Mich. "Kids are getting hate mail and taunts on MySpace or Facebook." But as young gays become more visible targets, they also have more sources of help, experts say. In the 11 years since Jennings founded the education network, parents have become more supportive of gay teens, he says. Also, the network has trained thousands of school officials on how to reduce gay bashing. Schools are more likely than in the past to have openly gay staff members who can help young people, says Anthony D'Augelli, an associate dean at Pennsylvania State University. In a recent national survey, one-third of school psychologists said they had counseled students or parents about sexual orientation. In the mid-1990s, a few dozen Gay-Straight Alliance clubs were in U.S. high schools; now 3,200 are registered with the education network, Jennings says. The Internet also has eased isolation for gay teens, offering a place for socializing and support, says Stephanie Sanders of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction in Bloomington, Ind. Cultural diversity is prevalent Teens are coming out in an era when more Americans than ever consider homosexuality acceptable. In 2006, 54% found homosexuality acceptable, compared with 38% in 1992, Gallup polls show. Youths also swim in a cultural sea that's far more pro-gay than ever, says Ritch Savin-Williams, a psychologist at Cornell University and author of The New Gay Teenager. From MTV's The Real World to Will & Grace and Ellen DeGeneres hosting the Oscars, "kids can see gays in a positive light," he says. The news in December that Vice President Cheney's daughter Mary is expecting a baby with her female partner has even brought gay parenthood into the Bush administration family. By the time parenthood becomes an option, many homosexuals have known their preferences for a long time. Gay males and lesbians often feel "different" as early as grade school, Sanders says. Vance Smith, who grew up amid cornfields in LaSalle, Colo., recalls being made fun of and called "gay" as early as first grade. "I didn't even know what it was," he says. "I didn't know why I didn't like 'guy-type' stuff like sports or why I was always more comfortable hanging out with girls. And I didn't know why I should be punished for it." By middle school, "I always had a girlfriend, hoping people wouldn't know." But he couldn't make himself feel heterosexual, Smith says. And nobody was fooled, anyway. Zach Lundin had been taught in church that homosexuality was wrong. "I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself I was straight," says Lundin, 17, of Kenmore, Wash. At age 14 he told his parents he was attracted to boys. "I said, 'I'm not going to lie to you anymore. This is what I'm really feeling.' " His father, Roy Lundin, wasn't thrilled to hear the news. "Any parent who says his first reaction isn't 'Oh, no!' probably isn't telling the truth," he says. "We felt some sadness. We just assumed we'd have a daughter-in-law someday and grandchildren. It becomes your disappointment, but it's a selfish disappointment. Now we've gotten past that. "There are some parts of it that I'll never be comfortable with," he concedes, "but that doesn't mean I can't support Zach. I love him and I will support him." A struggle for the parents How parents deal with such news has a huge effect on their kids' lives, says Caitlin Ryan, a social-work researcher at San Francisco State University who is studying the families of gay young people. Families can move gradually from rejection to warm acceptance once the shock wears off, she says. Parents with strong convictions that homosexuality is always wrong find it hardest to accept their gay teens, she says. At its most extreme, that means throwing a child out. Nobody knows exactly how many gay teens meet that fate, but a disproportionate share of homeless young people in the USA are homosexuals, a new report from the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force says. Family conflict, including conflict over sexual orientation, is a key reason they're homeless, the report says. Several cities have shelters for gay kids, but there's less help than needed, says Carl Siciliano of the Ali Forney Center, which offers limited housing for New York youths. Sorensen, who coordinates a drop-in program in suburban Detroit, sees teens from all kinds of families. "Kids from the suburbs drive up in new SUVs their parents bought them. But sometimes they're afraid to come out to parents because of talk against gays they've heard at home. Other kids have to scrounge together bus fare to get here. They all would like to tell their parents and be accepted, but not all of them can." Not everyone applauds the soaring number of school-based gay/straight alliances and adult-led programs for gay teens. "Homosexuality is harmful to society, and young people have no business committing to a sexual identity until they're adults," says Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council, a conservative policy group. The council backs a new Georgia law, first in the nation, that requires schools to tell parents about clubs and allows them to forbid their children to participate in gay/straight alliances. Lobbying is underway to pass similar laws in North Carolina, Virginia, Tennessee, Alabama and Texas, says Joe Glover of the Family Policy Network, a Christian family advocacy group. "Parents shouldn't have to check their rights at the school room door," he says. Researchers traditionally have emphasized that gay teens have worse mental health and higher suicide rates than straight teens. But Cornell's Savin-Williams says these conclusions are primarily based on small, older studies skewed to troubled youths. A few newer studies suggest teens who are attracted to both sexes may have the worst problems. But most research has grouped them with homosexuals. Gay kids are more likely than straight teens to think about or try suicide, but there's no evidence they're more likely to kill themselves, says sociologist Stephen Russell of the University of Arizona. He has analyzed findings from a study of 12,000 teens followed up to a decade so far. Those with same-sex attractions are more depressed and anxious, Russell says, but there's also evidence that many who say they're attracted to others of their sex grow up to be heterosexual. He says stigma and prejudice still prompt undue stress for gay kids. Studies on gay boys predominate, so young lesbians are more of a mystery. Pioneering findings suggest lesbian teens may be different from gay boys in key ways. There's more variability in the age when they realize they're not straight, says Lisa Diamond, a University of Utah psychologist. Unlike boys, most girls also have opposite-sex attractions. And strong emotional bonds are more key in sparking girls' sexual attractions, Diamond says. She also has ventured into territory rarely trod in studies on gay youths: friendships and romances. "They're adolescents first, and adolescents are obsessed with their friendship networks," she says. Diamond has kids weigh in on the statement: "I sometimes worry that I'll never be able to find the kind of romantic partner I want." Gay teens worry about this more than straight teens because best friends are usually the same sex, she says. Gays are unique in agonizing over whether to turn friendships into romances, often fearing they'll lose a friend. Worry about finding a partner was strongly linked to anxiety and depression. When Diamond subtracted this worry, gay teens were no more anxious or depressed than straight teens. "We have to start looking at their whole lives, not just sexual orientation. By focusing on stigma, we may be missing the bigger picture: that they're painfully normal teenagers." D'Augelli, who studies homosexuality among the young, says many adults might be surprised at the secret that really lurks in the psyches of gay teens: "The remarkable fact is, most are quite conventional. They want long-term relationships. They want children."
Parents sued when Mass. teacher read ‘King and King’ at public schoolCourt weighs same-sex story read to kids
Reuters
Updated: 2:44 a.m. PT Feb 8, 2007 BOSTON - As gay rights supporters and foes gathered outside, a federal court on Wednesday took up the question of whether a Massachusetts town and its school district infringed on parents' rights when a teacher read young students a book with a gay theme. Two Lexington, Mass. families last year filed the suit asserting that the reading of the book "King & King" and the handing out to elementary school students of other children's books that discussed homosexuality without first notifying parents was a violation of their religious rights. "What they fear is their children are being brainwashed," Robert Sinsheimer, who represented the families, told the court in Boston. "It's a form of propaganda specifically intended to wipe out their way of life." The plaintiffs, David and Tonia Parker and Rob and Robin Wirthlin, who describe themselves as coming from the Judeo-Christian tradition, also charged in their suit that reading out the book to a class of largely 7-year-old students violated a 1996 state law requiring parents to be notified of sex-education lessons. The book "King & King" tells the story of a crown prince who rejects a string of princesses before falling in love with another prince. The two marry, sealing their union with a kiss. "Massachusetts, as well as its cities, towns and school districts, have a legitimate interest in teaching diversity and tolerance," said John Davis, who represented Lexington, a suburb about 12 miles west of Boston. School officials said the book was read to teach students about diversity. Massachusetts is the only U.S. state where gay marriage is legal, though the subject remains highly charged. Voters could overturn legalization A crowd of about two dozen protesters, representing each side of the issue, braved freezing conditions to picket outside the waterfront courthouse. "The schools are exposing youngsters to something that is the law of the community they life in. The parents seem to know about it and can teach the children that they believe it is wrong," said Judge Mark Wolf, who will decide whether to dismiss the suit. "Almost all moral education is indoctrination," Wolf said. "It's the reason we have public schools. We're preparing people for citizenship." He pointed out that the parents had the option of enrolling their children in private schools, or of lobbying the school board to have the curriculum changed. Sinsheimer, representing the parents, said that opposition to the teaching is a minority viewpoint in their town and that they would face an uphill battle in any lobbying effort. "There's always a problem with people in the majority deciding how much of a burden this is on the minority," Wolf said. Copyright 2007 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters.(c) Reuters 2007. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content, including by caching, framing or similar means, is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters. Reuters and the Reuters sphere logo are registered trademarks and trademarks of the Reuters group of companies around the world.
January 29 Female couple fights to gain custody of Lufkin foster child
By JESSICA SAVAGE The Lufkin Daily News Saturday, January 27, 2007
More than a year after he was taken from his prescription drug-addicted mother three weeks after birth, a Lufkin baby boy is thriving in his aunts' home in New Mexico.
"He's really come a long way," said his aunt Tamara Garlington, who is a stay-at-home mother to five children, including three of her own.
Although the baby won't have any memory of it, he lived the first 11 months of his life in foster care before Tamara and Shawna Garlington were awarded custody of him and his big sister in an Angelina County courtroom.
According to a home study conducted by Child Protective Services, the Garlingtons had the perfect home environment to care for their niece and nephew. The children's state-appointed attorney, however, didn't believe the two mothers were appropriate parents.
The Garlingtons are a lesbian couple who, while not legally married, have been together for several years. In 2001 Tamara Garlington, older sister to the baby's mother, legally changed her last name and the names of her children to her partner's name.
"It became all about our lifestyle and not the kids," Shawna Garlington said. "I thought, 'They can't do that.' There are so many kids out there that don't have a home, and just because you are gay doesn't mean you can't give them a good home."
For the family, the memory and effects of a frustrating custody battle that began about a year ago are still there.
The baby boy, now just over a year old, is learning how to walk.
"Developmentally, he's three to four months behind," Tamara Garlington said. "You could tell he didn't have much interaction in foster care."
Fighting for Family in
the Face of Opposition
Not even a positive review from CPS following background checks and a home study could ease the process.
The court-ordered study found the Garlingtons financially stable and a couple who can meet the children's basic needs, said caseworker Lindsay Tomes.
Joe Martin, now a state prosecutor in Polk County, was appointed by the state to represent the interests of the children in the case while he was working as a defense attorney in Angelina County in 2006.
Attorneys are appointed to represent children's interests in most family law cases.
Martin said he disagreed with the Garlingtons' home study.
Calling it a "whitewash," he said the Garlingtons "had serious indications of instability due to previous relationships."
The couple has been together for more than eight years. Their oldest child is about 8.
Dawn Armstrong, a prosecuting attorney for the Angelina County District Attorney's Office and CPS, disagreed with Martin's reservations about the case.
"If you take it to heart, it would be the same thing as saying anyone who's ever been divorced is not a suitable caretaker for children, or single parents are not a suitable caretaker, and that's just not true," she said.
Martin said he is against homosexual couples rearing children.
"My job as the attorney ad litem was to present what I thought was best for the children, and I don't think it's best for any children to be placed in a homosexual family," he said. "Children are not laboratory experiments."
Martin said the best situation for the children — considering no other family members could care for them — was to place the siblings in foster care.
Children who are placed in foster care often bounce from home to home as families in the system become overwhelmed with caring for their children and foster children. Ultimately, the goal for CPS is place a child in a permanent home, said Shari Pulliam, public information officer for the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services.
Armstrong opposed Martin's statements.
"I think a close family relationship in a stable and loving home is always going to be superior to foster care," Armstrong said.
Gaining Custody
CPS' first step after a child has been removed from a home and placed into foster care is to contact immediate family, Pulliam said. A caseworker sits family members down and explains the situation, asking if anyone is interested in caring for the children.
"We put the power back in the family and want them to make the decisions (on what's best for the children)," Pulliam said.
The baby boy's mother had two other children, the oldest with his grandmother and a younger sister with the Garlingtons.
Already raising three boys together, the couple were the only other family members interested in caring for the two children.
During their CPS meeting, Tamara Garlington said she thought to herself, "I'm their aunt. I'm the one who can do this and the only one who will do this, and I'm going to do it."
A CPS caseworker visited the Garlingtons' home soon after, and documented their lifestyle on paper for an approaching custody hearing in July.
By law, sexual orientation is not a factor that plays into home study results or child placement, Pulliam said.
The agency gave the study an official stamp of approval, which typically is a green light for the family seeking custody, according to Pulliam. But not in the Garlingtons' case.
What CPS and the Garlingtons thought would be a quick process and transition for the children turned into a nightmare that dragged on until mid-December.
"It was kind of a cultural shock to see that people actually act that way," Shawna Garlington said. "I've come across some prejudiced people, but not like that."
During the course of the hearings, several faith-based communities voiced opposition to the Garlingtons' sexual orientation, Pulliam said. Meanwhile, the children remained in foster care for 11 months.
"The whole thing is kind of infuriating," Shawna Garlington said.
But she and her partner never lost hope.
"We talked about it a lot and decided to go all the way," Tamara Garlington said. "We had to for the kids, and for the other issue as well."
Caseworker Lindsay Tomes said she was impressed.
"This family proved their dedication. They went the distance for the children and wanted the children," she said.
On Dec. 18, Judge David Dunn, with the Southeast Texas Cluster Court, awarded the Garlingtons custody. Dunn is a judge based in Orange County who travels throughout Southeast Texas to hear child custody cases.
Five days before Christmas, Tomes flew the children out to New Mexico and personally placed the children with the Garlingtons.
"The kids are finally where they need to be," she said.
Raising four boys
and a girl
Tamara Garlington said her youngest son, 4, was so eager to see his cousins he offered to help change the baby's dirty diapers.
"He didn't know what he was signing up for," she said, laughing.
Since her niece and nephew arrived, the two have adjusted well.
The 8-year-old is settling in at school. She's made friends and recently signed up for cheerleading, Tamara Garlington said.
Six months ago, the baby's mother moved to Rio Rancho, N.M., for a new start. She has been off drugs and is holding a steady job, her sister said.
Rio Rancho is known to residents as the "City of Vision," a place where the Garlingtons say homosexual families are openly accepted. The city of about 60,000 people is a religious-based community where many alternative-lifestyle families reside and are accepted into local congregations, Tamara Garlington said.
The culture of Lufkin, located approximately 800 miles east, was a bit of a shock, she admitted.
"(Facing opposition) never crossed my mind," said the 35-year-old part-time college student, who is studying social work.
She said it has made her children more aware of objections to their parents' lifestyle.
"We have explained to them that all families are different, that some kids only have one mom, some only one dad, some only grandparents ... . There are a whole variety of families out there. Some people have two moms and some have two dads. And yes, there are people out there that do not think it's OK for someone to have two moms — two females together," she said.
Aside from what some view as an abnormal lifestyle, the Garlingtons are involved in every normality of their children's lives. From Chuck E. Cheese's visits to football and cheerleading practice, the couple has its hands full. While Shawna works during the day, Tamara shuffles the older kids off to school and then entertains the younger ones. Twice a week Tamara attends night classes at a local college and Shawna watches the children.
After a week filled with school, sports, sleepovers and play dates, the family of seven gathers for a meeting.
"We all sit around the table and everyone has their voice," Tamara Garlington said.
"If someone could just put a camera up for a day or a week, they would see our life is just like any other heterosexual couple."
Same-sex parenting redefines 'family' for someDorothy Korber McClatchy Newspapers
 Giggly and charming, Maddy is the cherished princess of her Elk Grove, Calif., family: gay dads Ed Condon and Norman Lorenz, and her little brother, Tim. Maddy's adoption in 1995 was the first for a gay couple in Sacramento County, making her both a pioneer and a poster child for same-sex parenting. "Maddy makes up for the lack of females in this house," Lorenz says affectionately as his daughter dances off to change clothes - again. The news last month of the pregnancy of Mary Cheney, the vice president's lesbian daughter, focused attention on a national trend: the number of gay and lesbian parents is on the rise. Same success rate Sociologists tracking this say that children of those households tend to be as well-adjusted and successful as offspring from heterosexual households. By some measures, they are faring better. "It's pretty consistent - the overwhelming finding is that the children are fine," according to Judith Stacey, a sociology professor at New York University and a leading researcher in the area of gender and family. "And there are some findings of certain positive characteristics among them: self-esteem, popularity, warmer relationships with parents. "These advantages have to do with the obvious fact that these are very desired children. They are unbelievably wanted." That's clearly the case for Maddy and Tim. Life isn't always perfect for these families - kids and parents alike have faced hazing and condemnation by outsiders. But, within the family circle, there is abundant love and acceptance. Two dads For them, having two dads or two moms is perfectly normal. Even, as Maddy says, kind of a miracle. Condon and Lorenz - their kids call them Daddy Ed and Daddy Norman - have been a couple for 25 years. Condon is executive director of the California Head Start Association and Lorenz is a consultant with the state Department of Education. Previously, they owned several Montessori schools in the region. After a dozen years together, the men realized they wanted to be parents. In the course of their inquiries into adoption, a pregnant woman sought them out. She was Maddy's birth mother. "Out of the blue, she asked if we would like to adopt her child," Lorenz recalls. "We matched up with her in January of 1994. In March, Maddy was born." Maddy's two dads were in the delivery room. Condon took four months off from work to care for the newborn. Tim, who is 9, joined the family in 1998 when he was 18 months old. Perhaps Condon was anxious at first, but today both men are relaxed fathers. They say, and the children agree, that having gay parents has not proved to be a problem - or even an issue - for the kids. Initial confusion Maddy says people sometimes are a little confused, however. "Almost all my friends already know," she says. "They're, like, OK with it. But a lot of other people assume I have a mom. I just say: 'No, I have two dads.' " Her friends' mothers often treat her like another daughter. "It's sweet of them and good for Maddy," Condon says. "Raising a girl has been a different kind of journey for us. It's interesting - we've found that parents of boys are more guarded with us than parents of girls. It's a good thing we had our daughter first - we're more confident now. Maddy blazed the way." As for her own gender identity, Maddy has no doubts, according to Lorenz: "She's very clearly told us, 'I am straight.' Maddy loves boys." "I do," confirms Maddy, still nodding earnestly at her reflection in the window. "I love boys." November 28 take actionACTION ALERT: DECEMBER MARRIAGE VOTE!! After almost a year of waiting, it’s now virtually certain that a vote on Mr. Harper’s motion to re-open the divisive equal marriage debate will take place in December, likely the week of December 4. Last week, following a CEM press conference urging the Prime Minister not to break his promise of a fall vote, Justice Minister Vic Toews told reporters the vote would take place before Parliament breaks for the holidays on December 15. He said “The prime minister has made a commitment and he will honour that commitment.” Meanwhile, on November 9, over 40 religious leaders signed the “Declaration on Marriage” and sent it to all MPs and Senators (see it at http://www.evangelicalfellowship.ca/social/marriage.asp). They have been mobilizing their congregations, especially focusing on 50 MPs who are most likely to change their votes. We’re hearing from some MPs that in the last few weeks they’ve seen a huge increase in correspondence from equal marriage opponents and are not hearing from those of us who are against re-opening. It’s important that they hear from us too!! Our task now is to shore up our support and ensure that Mr. Harper’s regressive motion is defeated by the widest possible margin. That’s because following the defeat of his motion we want Mr. Harper to publicly state that the issue is settled. The wider the margin, the greater the chance of getting him to admit that this issue is settled, not just in this Parliament, but for good! If he doesn’t admit that it’s settled, then it’s an election issue. AGAIN!! It’s time to take re-opening off the political agenda, so that equality opponents will lose any ability to de-legitimize our marriages. It’s simply unfair for this to continue, and for LGBT people to have to go on defending our marriages, our families and our sexual orientation and gender identity. Please go to www.equal-marriage.ca/election.php and contact your MP. In these final days, the best way to do that is to call their constituency office, which is a local call. You can find your MP’s phone number on our website or at http://www.parl.gc.ca/information/about/people/house/PostalCode.asp?Language=E. Phone calls really get noticed, they take only a minute or two, and all you have to say is something like “I support equal marriage and urge [MP’s name] to vote against re-opening this divisive debate. Over 12,000 same-gender couples have been married in Canada and that hasn’t hurt anyone. It’s time to move on.” We know a strong majority of MP’s currently intend to vote against re-opening, but if all they hear in the lead-up to the vote are calls to “restore traditional marriage” some of them may get scared and change their mind. Memories are short, so even if you’ve already contacted your MP, it’s important to contact them again, and to do so immediately. Please visit www.equal-marriage.ca/election.php today to contact your MP. Of course, please don’t stop there. Please take all four of our action steps, including making a donation to Canadians for Equal Marriage. Our strength depends on you, and every donation counts! Please take action today, so that we don’t lose any MPs to the huge mobilization now being put on by groups like the Evangelical Fellowship, the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops, Defend Marriage and many others. We want this issue settled once and for all, and a decisive defeat of Mr. Harper’s motion to re-open will do just that. Let’s give it all we can!! Yours truly, Laurie Arron p.s. PLEASE PASS THIS ON!! APPEL À L’ACTION : UN VOTE SUR LE MARIAGE SERA TENU EN DÉCEMBRE! Après presque une année d’attente, il est pratiquement certain qu’un vote sur la motion de M. Harper visant à rouvrir le débat déchirant sur le droit égal au mariage aura lieu en décembre, probablement au cours de la semaine du 4 décembre. La semaine dernière, après la conférence de presse de CDEM exhortant le premier ministre à ne pas briser sa promesse concernant la tenue d’un vote à l’automne, le ministre de la Justice Vic Toews a dit aux journalistes que le vote serait tenu avant la pause parlementaire du 15 décembre pour les Fêtes. Il a dit : « Le premier ministre a pris un engagement et il respectera son engagement. » Entre-temps, le 9 novembre, plus de 40 chefs religieux ont signé la « Déclaration sur le mariage » et ils l’ont envoyée à tous les députés ainsi qu’aux sénateurs (veuillez consulter http://www.evangelicalfellowship.ca/resources/resource_viewer.asp?Resource_ID=279 pour la voir). Ces personnes ont mobilisé les membres de leur congrégation respective, visant particulièrement les 50 députés qui sont le plus susceptible de changer leur vote. Nous avons entendu quelques députés mentionner qu’au cours des dernières semaines, on a observé une augmentation importante de la correspondance provenant des opposants au droit égal au mariage alors que les personnes comme nous qui sont contre la réouverture se taisent. Il est important qu’ils entendent aussi ce que nous avons à dire! Notre tâche est maintenant d’accorder notre appui et de voir à ce que la motion régressive de M. Harper soit rejetée par la plus grande marge possible. Cela parce qu’après le rejet de sa motion, nous voulons que M. Harper déclare publiquement que cette question est réglée. Plus grande sera la marge, plus grande sera la possibilité qu’il admette que cette question est réglée, non pas uniquement par ce gouvernement, mais pour de bon! S’il n’admet pas que c’est réglé, cela deviendra un enjeu électoral. ENCORE! Il est temps de retirer la réouverture de la question du droit égal au mariage du programme politique afin que ses opposants perdent leur capacité de délégitimiser nos mariages. Il est simplement injuste que cela continue et que les LGBT doivent continuer à défendre nos mariages, nos familles, ainsi que notre orientation et notre identité sexuelles. Veuillez vous rendre à www.mariageegal.ca/elections_f.php et communiquer avec votre député. Au cours des derniers jours, le meilleur moyen de le faire est d’appeler leur bureau de comté, ce qui est une communication locale. Vous trouverez le numéro de téléphone de votre député sur notre site Web ou à http://www.parl.gc.ca/information/about/people/house/PostalCode.asp?Language=F. On remarque vraiment les appels téléphoniques, ils ne prennent qu’une minute ou deux, et tout ce que vous avez à dire est : « J’appuie le droit égal au mariage et j’invite [nom du député] à voter contre la réouverture de ce débat déchirant. Plus de 12 000 couples de même sexe se sont mariés au Canada et cela n’a fait de mal à personne. Il est temps de tourner la page. » Nous savons qu’une forte majorité de députés a présentement l’intention de voter contre la réouverture mais si tous les appels qu’ils reçoivent d’ici le vote concernent le « rétablissement du mariage traditionnel », certains d’entre eux peuvent avoir peur et changer d’idée. La mémoire est une faculté qui oublie : même si vous avez déjà communiqué avec votre député, communiquez avec elle ou lui de nouveau sans tarder. Veuillez vous rendre à www.mariageegal.ca/elections_f.php aujourd’hui même pour envoyer un courriel à votre député. Mais pourquoi arrêter là! Prenez les quatre mesures suggérées, y compris un don à Canadiens et Canadiennes pour le droit égal au mariage. La capacité de CDEM dépend de vous et chaque don compte! Veuillez agir dès aujourd’hui afin que nous ne perdions aucun député à la mobilisation importante qui est présentement organisée par des groupes comme l’Alliance évangélique, la Conférence des évêques catholiques du Canada, Defend Marriage et plusieurs autres. Nous voulons que cette question soit réglée une fois pour toutes, et c’est l’effet qu’aurait le rejet décisif de la motion de réouverture de M. Harper. Faisons donc tout ce que nous pouvons pour y arriver! Je vous prie d’accepter l’expression de mes salutations distinguées. Le coordonnateur national de Canadiens et Canadiennes pour le droit égal au mariage, Laurie Arron November 24 Holding Hands Too Controvercial?Posters of Same-Sex Couples Rejected by Major US Ad Company A series of billboards by a Polish artist whose work is in the United States as part of Real Art Ways’ new exhibition of contemporary Polish art was rejected by a local billboard company, Lamar Outdoor Advertising of Hartford, which is refusing to run the images featuring same-sex couples. "We are very disturbed that this artwork, which features same-sex couples merely holding hands, was deemed too 'controversial' by Lamar Outdoor Advertising of Hartford to be displayed on billboards in the Hartford area," Brian Friedberg, Real Art Ways communications coordinator told In Newsweekly. "[This is] an act of discrimination against both the gay community and artistic expression." As part of POZA, Real Art Ways multimedia exhibition of the work of 31 contemporary Polish artists, three of Bregula’s images of same-sex couples holding hands were to be displayed by Lamar Outdoor Advertising on billboards in Hartford and New Britain. Says Kristina Newman-Scott, Visual Arts Manager of Real Art Ways, “Part of my job at Real Art Ways is to ensure that exhibiting artists have access to all the resources they need to represent their vision. It is unfortunate that in 2006 we are still faced with this kind of censorship.” "POZA" will run through January 29 at Real Art Ways, 56 Arbor Street, Hartford. For more information about Real Art Ways connect to www.realartways.org. http://www.prideparenting.com/page.cfm?typeofsite=snippetdetail&ID=2407&snippetset=yesMore Single Gay Men Becoming Fathers Via Surrogacy
Though gay parenting is seen as a relatively new “trend,” it really is not. Gay couples have been becoming parents for at least twenty years, if not longer.
Surrogacy among queer couples is seen as something that’s even newer, but there’s yet another case where a perception is false. As far back as almost a decade ago, The New York Times was reporting on it. However, there is at least one fairly new development where gay parenting is concerned: Many of the single men choosing surrogacy today are gay, according to Gail Taylor, president of Growing Generations, a gay-and-lesbian-owned surrogacy agency in California. Ms. Taylor revealed this fact during an interview for the Pioneer Press, a Minnesota newspaper. Taylor also told the Press that the number of single surrogate dads in the US has risen around 20 percent in the past two years. In the Twin Cities, surrogacy is particularly popular: Another source interviewed by the Press—Steven Snyder, who is the director of the International Assisted Reproduction Center—said the number of single men choosing surrogacy has risen 50 to 75 percent over the past few years. That may be because in the Midwest, as Snyder noted, surrogacy costs considerably less than it does on either the West or East Coasts—around $60,000 versus $80,000-$100,000. (However, the exact cost of surrogacy is something that can vary greatly: For example, Ivillage.com quotes the average price as being $30,000.) One question that immediately pops up is: Why are so many men choosing to go it alone? After all, unlike women, men can have kids at almost any age. (For those of you who doubt this, I direct you to Exhibit A: the late Tony Randall, who had his first child with wife Heather at age 77.) Well, one reason may be that though men can have babies at almost any age, they can’t raise them at any age. In other words, you try playing catch with a 5-year-old when you’re 75. (I think we can assume Mr. Randall’s wife or a nanny tended to catch-playing duties.) Chuck Stroebel, a Minneapolis single gay man who had a baby through surrogacy, was quoted by the Press as saying, “I realized I was turning 40. I didn’t want to be too old while raising a child. I needed to move it along if it was going to happen at all for me.” Another question is: why surrogacy? Stroebel told the Press that he wanted surrogacy instead of adoption because he desired a child who would have his genetic makeup, and he “wanted to be involved with the process from the beginning.” Also, surrogacy, which once didn’t have the best reputation, has become “a much more visible and socially accepted practice,” the Press quoted Snyder as saying. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch also took note of this: “On the television show Friends, Phoebe carried her brother’s triplets, and Desperate Housewives added a surrogate-mother story line last season.” But it’s not just in fictional series where surrogacy is being highlighted: The Discovery reality series A Baby Story featured surrogacy, and the recent film Paternal Instinct on Cinemax’s Reel Life showed two gay men using a surrogate. “Celebrities, such as Joan Lunden, are publicly admitting to using surrogates,” as well, says the Post-Dispatch. So should you consider surrogacy, if you are a single gay man? The answer is far too complicated to reduce to a closing paragraph, so that will have to wait for further exploration in later articles. For now, I will just leave you with this quote, from the Press article. Surrogacy, Stroebel said, has “been the best decision I’ve made.” http://www.prideparenting.com/page.cfm?sectionid=66&typeofsite=storydetail&ID=956&storyset=yes November 18 One 'dad,' 2 momsBy John Bowe
The New York Times R. describes himself as "a man in his 40s, voluntarily employed in the arts," a situation made possible, he explains, by a private family income. In an effort to become a parent of a sort, R., who is gay, agreed, 11 years ago, to donate sperm to a lesbian couple aspiring to pregnancy. A few years before, R. had become friendly with a woman - white and upper class like himself - through the gay activist world. They weren't good friends, he said, "just friendly." The woman had a partner, a middle-class black woman, whom R. knew less well but who seemed solid. The couple decided that the black partner would become impregnated with a white man's sperm so that the baby would be biracial, reflecting the appearance of both mothers. They approached R. about being the donor. (Like all the subjects interviewed for this article, R. asked that his full name not be used - R. is his middle initial.) It seemed like a good fit, R. said. "My life and my family background and my socioeconomic position kind of matched the profile of the nonbiological partner." R. and the white woman even looked somewhat alike. R. had always loved being around kids, particularly his niece and nephew, whom he saw often. But like many gay men, R. never thought of himself as a likely candidate for fatherhood. He always felt that parents opting to raise a child alone were choosing a rocky road, and at the time, R. himself had no long-term partner. He did, however, have an ex-boyfriend who had started a donor relationship with two lesbians; it seemed to be going well. He quickly became taken with the idea. Having a child of his own, he thought, would mean creating a relationship more intense and involved than what he had with his siblings' children. "I guess I felt that maybe I wanted to have some kind of more lasting relationships in my life," he said. "I said I was interested." And thus began a series of conversations. R. made it very clear that he had no ambition to be a primary parent and that he was happy to renounce his parental rights. (The latter is crucial to many lesbian couples, allowing the nonbiological mother to adopt and protecting her bond with the child in the event of the death of, or separation from, the biological mother.) Nevertheless, R. saw himself playing a significant role in the child's life. "I saw myself holding a baby," he said. "I wanted a child to be part of my life. I wanted to have a relationship with somebody that was in some sense unconditional, that wasn't subject to the fading whims of friendships. And I don't think it's because I was not finding commitment somewhere else. I wanted to develop a relationship where I was nurturing somebody in a consistent way. I wanted to show up and be part of a child's life in a significant way." R. said his expectation was to see the child a few times per month. "No one said, 'That's a problem.' Everyone seemed to be on the same page." And so, according to R., "we went ahead and started to try to get pregnant." Virtually every lesbian couple electing to use a known donor's sperm pursues one of two methods of artificial insemination. One is for the man to go to a clinic, have his sperm harvested and then passed to the mother, usually by doctor-assisted injection. The other, homier and cheaper course is commonly known as the "turkey baster" or "natural" method. After confirming that he was HIV-negative, R. and the mothers used a version of the second method. It could not have been easier, R. said with a shrug. Happened on the first or second time. Like, not a problem. Since the 1970s, when gay men and lesbians began gaining wider acceptance, there has been a substantial increase in the number of children being reared by gay parents, both in the United States and abroad. According to the 2000 U.S. census, 34 percent of lesbian couples and 22 percent of gay male couples are raising at least one child under 18 in their home -- a large increase from the 1990 census. Though precise breakdowns are hard to come by - demographers have yet to track all the different types of gay families - for many gay parents, the family structure is more or less based on a heterosexual model: two parents, one household. Heather may have two mommies, but her parents are still a couple. Then there are families like R.'s and his partners' that from the outset seek to create a sort of extended nuclear family, with two mothers and a father who serves, in the words of one gay dad, as "more than an uncle and less than a father." How does it work when Heather has two mommies, half a daddy, two daddies or one and a half daddies? "People are in many cases redesigning 'family,"' says Judith Stacey, a sociology professor at New York University. Stacey has written about gay fathers, gay mothers, gay men who form family units with single lesbians, and lesbian couples who form households with one gay male father. "They want to have a relationship to children," she says. "And they want to be able to create whatever kinds of security and stability they can. They're drawing from all kinds of traditional forms, but at the same time, they're inventing new ones." Primary among the reasons mothers to be choose to become impregnated by a known donor who remains part of the family is a reluctance to raise children in the shadow of anonymous heritage. As one donor dad, an East Coast lawyer named Guy, said, his lesbian co-parents "felt like it was important for their kids to know as much as they could about their story. When there's an anonymous donor, it's not always an ideal situation for the child." As for why lesbians often choose donor fathers who are gay, Judith Stacey and others said that many preferred gay men for reasons of "solidarity." "They think that gay men will be more sympathetic, more amenable to agreements they might create and stick by," Stacey says. And they say they feel that gay men simply come with less baggage. Heterosexual sperm donors are more liable to marry and father children of their own, which has the potential of causing jealousy and competition among the children and their mothers. While the role of the mother in gay co-parenting arrangements can be quite traditional, the father's is often part-time and ancillary from the first. Why would any man, gay or straight, choose a kind of fatherhood that would seem to curtail both its joys and responsibilities? In part, the answer has to do with the fact that a gay man's options are already somewhat limited. Though gay men can and increasingly do become parents through adoption or by using surrogates, pursuing those avenues can be difficult. While some places allow "single people" to adopt, in practice it is often tough for gay men to do so. Surrogacy can be wildly expensive, easily costing $100,000 or more for multiple egg harvests, in vitro fertilization and the surrogate mother's expenses. Gay dads also said they had cherished the idea of fathering children with partners they knew and liked. Frequently, gay men and women entering into co-parenting arrangements draft some kind of document that specifies participants' roles and responsibilities - the father's visitation schedule, how many kids everyone plans to have together, what happens if one of the partners moves, dies or becomes involved with a new partner. Many agreements stipulate that the donor will waive his parental rights, allowing the nonbiological mother to become a legal parent. But generally, a donor may relinquish his parental rights only after the child is born. What if the father sees the child and decides he can't bear to part with her? What if the mothers decide he is wanted less than originally agreed? It is not unusual, in such cases, for custody battles to ensue. According to Arthur Leonard, a New York Law School professor and an expert on sexuality and the law, families can draft as many documents as they want, but "in the eyes of the law a parent is either the biological parent or an adoptive parent or, in some jurisdictions, a de facto parent." Charged, above all, with looking out for the best interest of the child, judges are free to ignore even the most well-drawn documents. A result is that gay donor dads must not only trust that their co-parents will abide by whatever agreements they have designed but also hope that as dads they have managed to adequately predict their own reaction to being a parent. As Guy, who has two children of his own with a lesbian couple, said: "A lot of guys can't do that. They think they can do it, but when the baby's born, they really can't." In other words, a father-donor working with a lesbian couple must make peace with the fact that he just isn't going to be a TV dad, a heterosexual dad or a full-time gay dad. "Ideally," as Guy put it, you need to be "willing to accept that the baby has two parents, who are the two moms - and then there's you." Donor dads maintain a different level of involvement with their lesbian partners and children. Some co-parents buy houses near one another and interact nearly every day. Others, like Guy and his co-parents, live a thousand miles apart and arrange visits or vacations together every few weeks or months. Some always knew they wanted to be fathers. Before embarking upon the creation of his family, Mark, who works at a museum, spent years discussing the idea of being a co-parent with two lesbian friends, Jean and Candi. At first, he said, the tone was "'You know, wouldn't it be fun if we all had kids?' And then it kind of got more serious as time went on." Mark and the mothers-to-be took the time to discuss every conceivable angle. They talked about their family backgrounds, how they had been raised, what they liked and didn't like about their upbringing. They wrote a document in which Mark was absolved of any financial role in the child's life. He agreed to put the child up for adoption by the nonbiological mother once it was born. Moreover, it was spelled out that the child would be brought up knowing Mark was the father and that Mark could visit as agreed upon. At first Mark's role was circumscribed. But, he said, from the moment of birth, "things just got a lot nicer than that." Candi had a natural delivery, and as Mark described it to me, watching the process of birth had a transformative effect on him: "The excitement, the fear that maybe something could go wrong. And to watch the head crown - it was just exciting." Mark, 48, Jean, 37, and Candi, 34, now have two children - Mark (named after his father) is Candi's biological son, and another boy, Joseph, now 7 months old, is Jean's biological son. Mark spends time with the kids once a week, sometimes alone, sometimes with his partner, Jeffrey, who is 36 and went to college with Candi, and sometimes with one or both mothers. The relationship among the fathers and mothers has been a surprise benefit, he said, creating a brother-sister feeling. Despite the fact that the mothers are still financially responsible for the children, Mark has put them in his will. Each birthday and Christmas, he deposits a $1,000 bond for their education. Like any good father, he said, "I want to see them do well." When asked if he ever ran into resistance about his less-than-conventional parenting arrangement, he told a story. He had taken the girls, as he calls his lesbian co-parents, to Wisconsin to visit his mother and his sisters. "My nephew" - his sister's son - "had a lot of questions. He was asking my mom, 'Why does Mark have two moms?' My mom was like, 'I didn't know what to say."' Mark continued: "I guess in people's minds there's a kid's cartoon drawing of a family unit. Well, ours is the same thing. It's just that the characters have changed a bit. People make a lot out of it, but it's really quite simple: you've got four parents now instead of two. And they're all together." Considering how many heterosexual parents are overworked, divorced or otherwise unavailable, he said, in the end he advised his mother what to say to anyone asking about little Mark: "Tell 'em he's lucky." http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/11/17/news/gay.phpParents with 3 adopted children gear up for legal fightMd. Gay Couple Gearing Up For Legal Fight(AP) Upper Marlboro, MD Alvin Williams and Nigel Simon met at a discussion group for gay black men and have been together for November 03 Family Planning Classes For Gays!Whitman-Walker's Maybe Baby parenting seminar tries to answer the 'if' and 'when' of adoptionby Yusef Najafi Published on 11/02/2006 It's only November, but Annie Shaw, director of Whitman-Walker Clinic's Lesbian Services Program, is already holding a hefty waiting list for the January session of the clinic's popular Maybe Baby support group. And she says that could only mean one thing: ''People want to have kids.'' Making that happen is Shaw's mission. ''My goal is to give [gay] people the tools to help them decide if parenting is the right option for them right now,'' she says. More than 30 people have signed up for the November session of Maybe Baby, the clinic's three-day support group for prospective GLBT parents.
''Thirty years ago, if you were going to [live openly as] a lesbian or gay man, you gave up the idea of having children. But today people want to have kids and we can't do it casually. We have to think about it and plan it.''
It took Amy Gotwals, a non-profit lobbyist, and her long-time partner Amy Wajda, a freelance graphic designer, nearly five years to think about and plan the birth of their son Charles. He was born to the Takoma Park couple in 2004. ''We were really in the 'maybe' stage,'' Gotwals says. ''We came into [Maybe Baby] with a philosophical approach because my partner needed time and space to explore the larger questions about [parenthood]. It made me realize that I had a lot more questions than I actually thought I did.'' To help answer those questions, participants are given the chance to exchange dialogue with attorneys specializing in family law issues, including Michele Zavos, who is also credited as one of the founders of Maybe Baby; Susan Silber, a lesbian mother-of-two, who attended the first Maybe Baby support group in 1982; and S. Micah Salb, a gay dad and current facilitator of the support group. With the help of these experts, Shaw says she hopes to help lesbians and gays gather the information they need on the basics of having a family, and what happens after one becomes a parent. ''We also talk about what it means to have a family, be a parent, the changes in lifestyle that are required and [the readiness to do so],'' she says. Gotwals and Wajda addressed all these issues before giving birth to Charles. ''Once you get the kid and they're throwing tantrums you're just like every other family,'' Gotwals says. ''But when you're preparing for parenthood, it's important to talk about those issues that require a lot of thoughtfulness and a safe space to explore them, with people who are exploring the same things.'' Maybe Baby explores a variety of such topics, including legal and financial issues, fertility and reproductive health, and the various types of adoption. ''Gay people are on a totally different playing field when it comes to parenting,'' Shaw says. ''Parenting doesn't happen by accident as readily for us. With us it's more conscious. We have to decide if it is right for us.'' Both Nathan Monell, executive director of Foster Care Alumni of America (FCAA), and his partner, Shepherd Faught, a CPA attorney at Ernst & Young, wanted to have children even before they met each other in 2001. ''Part of the reason we came together as a couple was our mutual desire to adopt and raise children,'' Monell says. ''A year or so after we got together we started exploring the adoption process and that's what brought us to Maybe Baby.'' In 2005, the Falls Church couple adopted two children -- Gonzalo, 4, and Kira, 2 -- from Guatemala, with the help of the Datz Foundation, one year after taking part in Maybe Baby. Monell says that even though Maybe Baby made the process of adoption easier, he wasn't prepared for everything. ''No one can prepare you for how challenging and absolutely rewarding it is to watch their personalities grow and unfold,'' he says of his two children. Maybe Baby has grown since its initial session in 1982. Silber, who has two children that she co-parented with a gay friend and her former partner, was pregnant when she attended that first meeting. She recalls the experience as ''invaluable.'' ''There was a real sense of support, and a place to talk about our dreams and concerns and later to have a support network of kids who have two moms or two dads.'' Many participants, including Silber, turn to organizations such as Children of Lesbian & Gays Everywhere (COLAGE) and Rainbow Families after they have children. Today, Maybe Baby is held about five times a year and operates as a three-day seminar. But for the past several years, Maybe Baby had been held weekly over the course of eight weeks, with two-hours per session. This year, Shaw says, organizers also decided to merge the male and female groups into one. Zavos says she has noticed an increase in the amount of gay men who are attending the Maybe Baby meetings. ''In the past it has been mostly women, but more and more men are attending,'' she says. ''I think because of our culture, and how our culture pushes women to be mothers, it does not push men the same way.... ''I see almost as many men as women who are bringing children into their families now.'' Those men include Salb who says he faces challenges as a father, but none that are unique to being a gay dad. ''It doesn't take long after you have a child, that you begin to feel that you are just a dad, and not a gay dad,'' he says. Shaw, a former social worker for various area nursing homes, began volunteering for Whitman-Walker in 2003. She replaced Ellen Kahn as director of the clinic's Lesbian Services Program in April 2006. Shaw credits Kahn as the person responsible for Maybe Baby's most recent advancements. Despite the changes that have taken place throughout the support group's evolution, Shaw says the need for Maybe Baby remains the same. ''We've had public adoption agencies, like D.C.'s [Child & Family Services Agency], come to us because they have 2,000 kids in foster care and 500 for adoption, and they're reaching out to the gay and lesbian community to help them find homes,'' she says. ''We are loving individuals who can do that.'' For more information on the Maybe Baby program, visit www.wwc.org. October 20 Texas Has Largest Amount of Gay Families With Children
10.17.06 By Gena Hymowech Gay and looking for a good place to raise your kids? You might want to consider Texas. It may sound crazy, but a study in The Gay and Lesbian Atlas concludes that San Antonio, a major Texas city, has the largest amount of queer couples with kids in America. (The Houston and Fort Worth-Arlington areas rank fourth and fifth respectively.) The subjects of the study were kids being brought up by at least one biological parent, and children who were adopted by gay couples, according to the Associated Press. The Gay and Lesbian Atlas is “considered the most comprehensive demographic look at where same-sex couples are distributed across the nation,” says the Houston Chronicle. The AP also noted that The Gay and Lesbian Atlas study was based on the most current US census data. But the big question is: why has Texas become such a hot spot for gay families? “One explanation is that minority same-sex couples are more likely to have children than white same-sex couples,” according to the AP. “Study author Gary J. Gates says Texas’ large Hispanic population might partially explain why its gay couples are more likely to have children.” The Chronicle spoke to members of several gay families in Houston. Baby Djojonegoro, a gay, partnered mother, told the paper that while Houston “does have the stereotype of the cowboy town… it has pockets of interesting, nonmainstream culture and people.” Still, that doesn’t mean it’s always easy to raise kids in the state. The Chronicle article also quoted a teen named Chloe Tippet, a child being raised by two lesbians, who has seen a peer’s sexuality questioned simply because he supports gay marriage. “I guess some people think that anybody who thinks that gays and lesbians should have rights must be a gay or lesbian person….” Tippet told the paper. http://www.gaywired.com/print_this_article.cfm?section=9&id=11120Research: Kids of gay parents fare at least as well as othersResearch: Kids of gay parents fare at least as well as others
JASON STEIN Abbie Marie Hill has three moms and that fact, to the Madison teenager, is at once crazy and completely unremarkable. Hill was born to a lesbian couple who later separated. Today she has a third parent, a stepmother, in her life. The 17-year-old high school junior takes a viola to youth symphony sessions and carries straight As home from Madison East. "It's crazy and confusing but it works," Hill said of her family, which makes sense to her but isn't what some strangers expect. "In some ways it doesn't even seem like that's different." A new wave of research confirms earlier findings that the children of gay and lesbian parents are at least as healthy and well-adjusted as comparable children of straight parents and that the differences found between these two groups of children have been modest, researchers say. The studies, they say, undermine the argument that denying marriage and other rights to same-sex couples helps children. Opponents of same-sex marriage counter that it's too early to be certain the research is valid and that the government has an obligation to give straight families preference over others. Jenny Baierl, of Evansville, who supports a proposed constitutional ban on same-sex marriages and civil unions, said she does so in part out of concern for her two young boys. Baierl, one of thousands of volunteers working to promote or oppose the proposal, has spoken at legislative hearings and squared off in a televised debate over the measure with openly gay Rep. Mark Pocan, D-Madison. "I want to make sure my kids are raised in a society that values marriage," she said. But for Mike Tate, head of anti-amendment group Fair Wisconsin, the proposed ban is a threat to children, because of the possibility it could go beyond the question of marriage and cost families health insurance or other benefits. "Why would we want to do something that hurts children and hurts families?" What research says Medical establishment groups that have come out in favor of gay marriage or against bans like Wisconsin's proposed constitutional amendment include the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association and, in July, the American Academy of Pediatrics. In Wisconsin, the national pediatrics academy's state chapter and the Wisconsin Medical Society also oppose the proposed ban because of its possible effects on patients. That doesn't convince Bill Maier, vice president and psychologist in residence at Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs, Colo. Maier said professional groups sometimes reflect decisions by committees, not all members. Existing studies are still hampered by questions about how strong and representative their samples of human subjects are, he said. "The evidence confirms nothing about the quality of gay parents," he said. "It's still very early to be making any conclusive statements." The children of gay men and lesbians are more likely to behave in ways that are outside the norm for their gender and may exhibit other differences as well, Maier said, citing in part a 2001 study that he called the "most comprehensive report" on the subject. But one of that study's co-authors, New York University sociology professor Judith Stacey, said anti-gay marriage groups have misrepresented her research in a "dishonest" way. Stacey's article - a review of 21 studies going back some 20 years - examined in part whether having two parents of the same sex influenced the development of a child's sexual orientation and behavior related to his or her gender. Five years later, Stacey said new research, including a study that used a random, nationwide sample, shows the situation has turned out to be more complicated than she had believed. "I have been surprised that the differences so far seem to be smaller than I would have guessed," Stacey said. Stacey, who has always supported gay marriage, is co-authoring an update to the first article that looks at some 80 studies of gay and lesbian parents, single mothers and fathers and their children from several countries. In the first article, Stacey's study examined potential limitations in the studies' samples of human subjects and methods. Today, there are still holes in what we know, she said, noting that many studies of same-sex parents have focused on well-to-do whites and have neglected minorities and the poor. But she said a new wave of research is "much solider now," addressing more of those issues as well as children such as Hill, who were born into families of same-sex parents rather than to opposite-sex parents who later split up and took same-sex partners. "The kids are fine. There's no evidence whatsoever that children of gay and lesbian parents have noticeably different outcomes on mental health," Stacey said of the findings. "They turn out at least as well. These children may turn out somewhat better, she added. "It's not because of the sexuality but because of selection factors. It's because these are wanted children," Stacey said, noting that same-sex couples have to deliberately set out to conceive or adopt children. "When you're looking at heterosexual parenting, you have a lot of accidental" pregnancies. Stacey's findings square with research that has shown that the social groups of parents - rich and poor, white and black - matter much less than the quality of the parents and the love and discipline they show their children, said David Riley, a human ecology professor at UW-Madison. But Riley also noted that this research on its own can't answer the question of how people should vote on the amendment. "Most people on both sides of the debate base their arguments on civil rights and religious teachings. Behavioral science can't tell you which of those is preferable."
A busy life Abbie Marie Hill enjoys the youth group at her Unitarian congregation, plays in the Wisconsin Youth Symphony Orchestra and muses thoughtfully about the high school where she earns high marks. Some evenings, she goes to talks on mathematics at UW-Madison - just because she wants to - and she dreams of a career in engineering or some other math-heavy discipline. She spends five days a week at the condominium of her biological mother, Abbie Hill, who conceived Abbie Marie through artificial insemination, and two days a week at the East Side home of Hill's former partner. Abbie Marie said that, growing up in Madison, she's never felt like she's different. In spite of that, she said she sometimes has difficulty explaining her family to strangers. "I have the lesbian parents, and the split household," she said, joking that some people might scratch their heads when they hear her give contradictory details about her "mom." "They probably think my mom has multiple personalities." Most of the time she feels like any other student. "Occasionally, I'll just think of things that people in a traditional family have and realize, 'Oh I really will never have that. Hmmm.' Usually it's just like a hmmm thing. It's not a bad thing or 'Oh I'm missing out on something,'" Abbie Marie said. Abbie Marie's step-mother Mary Waitrovich said the teen-ager has thrived. "Here Abbie is - she's near the top of her class," Waitrovich said. "She's a great kid. She's a shining example of how a child who's raised by lesbians can turn out great." Abbie Hill said she cried once when she heard a speaker at an event argue that she and other lesbians were second-rate parents. "As a mother for me to hear that it just broke me out. It made me feel like wait a minute," she said. "I've been such a good mother. It's probably the most important thing I've ever done." Hill's former partner, Madison firefighter Karen Hoffman, called their daughter "a gift I never thought I'd have." But Hoffman has never been able to adopt or gain legal recognition as a parent that would guarantee custody rights to her daughter or just the right to authorize hospital treatment. "You don't have any rights at all," Hoffman said.
Father role cited Focus on the Family's Maier acknowledged the love and effort many lesbian parents give their children but pointed to studies that he said showed children need a father. "The two most loving lesbians in the world cannot provide a father to a little boy," Maier said. "It's not just two parents. It's having the contributions of a married mother and father." Jenny Baierl, the Evansville mother and pro-amendment activist, said she knows from experience the challenges of having two women as parents. Baierl was raised by her mother and grandmother after her father was killed by a drunken driver when she was 5. Though the two women loved her, Baierl had no uncles or grandfather to fill the void her father had left, she said. That searing experience, the teachings of her Christian faith, and her marriage to her husband John, leave Baierl with a powerful certainty about the value of traditional marriage. "I had no male role models," said Baierl, 33, who now lives in an all-male household with her husband and two young sons in Evansville. "I feel like I was really cheated." Differences modest Stacey said the situation of a child who tragically loses a parent isn't comparable to a child who has had two same-sex parents from birth. Plus, children often have access to relatives and other adult role models of both sexes, she said. But Stacey said her studies and training in sociology suggest that having same-sex parents can lead to modest differences in the areas of a child's gender behavior and sexual orientation. For instance, the boys of lesbian moms in one study scored just as high on masculinity scales as boys of opposite-sex parents but also higher on femininity scales, showing a willingness to talk about feelings as well as play sports, Stacey said. As for sexual orientation, Stacey has predicted that the children of gay and lesbian parents are likely to be more comfortable identifying with that orientation themselves, but said that so far the research hasn't proven conclusive on that. Abbie Marie Hill, for her part, isn't dating anyone and calls herself "straight but not narrow." Her upbringing in liberal Madison with lesbian parents leaves her less worried about her sexual orientation or who she will love, she said. "I don't feel this need for labels or I have to be one way or the other and I have to box myself in just to fit in," Abbie Marie said. "Whatever happens, it's cool. Why spend all this time, anguished time, like searching for, you know? Why not just be?"
September 27 Nebraska: Lancaster County Board of Commissioners denies funding for gay and lesbian teenager programAndy BoylePosted: 9/26/06The Lancaster County Board of Commissioners last Tuesday voted against giving funds that some said would help gay and lesbian teenagers in Lincoln.Kit Boesch, the human services administrator for Lancaster County, said 40 percent of all homeless or runaway teenagers are gay or lesbian and 40 percent of the juveniles in Lincoln’s juvenile justice system are also gay or lesbian. She uncovered this information while doing research on female juvenile offenders for a presentation, she said. Because of this, Boesch said, she wrote a $3,500 program that would design a curriculum to teach professionals about identifying and working with gay and lesbian teenagers in their facilities. They would then give four presentations on the program to people in the Lincoln and Lancaster area, she said. Many different groups were asked to help fund the project, including the University Health Center, the Department of Human Services, Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) and Lincoln Public Schools. The project applied for three grants, and two were accepted by the Woods Foundation and Region V, Boesch said. Deb Schorr, the chairwoman of the Lancaster County Board of Commissioners, said the denied grant was the Keno Human Services Prevention Fund, which is funded by Keno gambling throughout Lancaster County. The total sum that was denied, she said, was $1,500 for PFLAG. She voted for it to be accepted. Schorr said the funding needed approval from not only the Lancaster County Board of Commissioners but also the Lincoln City Council. She stressed the money was local money and not from tax dollars. “It’s funds that are set aside from the gaming money that people spend when they play Keno,” she said. Bob Workman, the vice chairman of the Lancaster County Board of Commissioners, said he voted against the grant not because he has a problem with helping gay and lesbian teenagers but because he has a problem with how the funds would be spent and what they would be spent for. Workman said he didn’t think the county board should fund an educational facility because that’s the purpose of tax dollars. Workman said he thinks the professionals should have already been trained to perform these duties and don’t necessarily need the extra money. “I think there’s a danger in trying to classify students,” he said. “I think there’s a danger in the possibilities of mislabeling a student.” Jan Deeds, the co-chairwoman of UNL’s Committee on Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Concerns, said she thought one of the commissioners at the meeting didn’t understand what the funds were for. She said it was not to identify GLBT students but to work with professionals in the judicial system that might interact with those students. “I’d say that all good professionals receive ongoing training to sharpen their skills,” she said. “It’s really hard to know how to provide good services to all of the populations they might encounter.”
September 24 Vermont judge to decide whether to penalize lesbian motherA family court judge in Vermont will decide after a hearing whether to penalize a Virginia woman who failed to comply with a child-custody ruling that grew out of the breakup of her civil union. More than two years ago, Judge William Cohen found Lisa Miller-Jenkins in contempt of court for failing to comply with his order granting temporary visitation to Janet Miller-Jenkins, her former partner. Following that ruling, Lisa Miller-Jenkins argued the case should be heard in Virginia. Last month the Vermont supreme court rejected her argument and sent the case back to family court, saying Vermont has exclusive jurisdiction. "The Vermont supreme court was specific in its remand on the contempt finding of this court to impose a penalty, and that needs to be addressed," Cohen said in court Tuesday. Cohen did not set a date for the hearing, although he said he would like to schedule it within the next month or two. Cohen said he would delay the hearing until after the supreme court rules on a motion by Lisa Miller-Jenkins's attorneys asking the high court to reconsider its August ruling. The attorney for Janet Miller-Jenkins, Theodore Parisi, said after Tuesday's hearing that he was not sure what penalty he would ask the court to impose. Lisa Miller-Jenkins's Vermont attorney, Judy Barone, said she didn't know if her client would attend a Vermont hearing. The women left Virginia and went to Vermont in 2000 to get a civil union. They returned home, where Lisa was artificially inseminated and gave birth to a baby girl, Isabella. Later they moved to Vermont, where they lived together a little more than a year before splitting. Courts in Virginia have ruled the state has jurisdiction in the custody case and that its laws banning same-sex marriage control it, Barone said. Many legal observers expect the underlying custody case eventually to be decided by the U.S. Supreme Court. Barone also said she didn't know what would happen if a Vermont court penalized her client with her client remaining in Virginia. "I'm not a Virginia lawyer, so I can't comment on that," she said. (AP)
South Africa: Gay father gets custody of 'neglected' sonsBy Siyabonga Mkhwanazi Concern for the welfare of his two teenage boys forced a doctor to go to court to obtain custody of them so that they could live with him and his gay partner.
He contended that during their marriage his psychologist wife had abused him emotionally and financially. She often referred to their firstborn child as his child and constantly maintained that the second child was mentally unstable. She would force the 12-year-old to attend therapy sessions by psychiatrists, the doctor submitted. When the second child was born the defendant had asked for the plaintiff's parents to come and live with them so as to help with the children. "The respondent treated my parents very badly and made them do chores around the house like attending to the garden, washing the dishes, cooking and the like. The respondent further insulted my parents by offering them money for the work they were doing," he explained. Describing his 14-year marriage to the psychologist, the doctor stated that she maintained an expensive lifestyle and would often move the family into more elite areas which financially taxed him. At one point his ex-wife, without consulting with him, moved the boys from one private school to another private school. He ended up paying R11 000 his wife had failed to pay to the children's erstwhile school.
"The respondent refused to socialise with anybody I brought home and was on many occasions blatantly rude. The respondent screamed and shouted at the children all the time and would blame me for all her misery," he submitted. In March 2003 the couple divorced and the psychologist refused him joint custody of the boys. "I was devastated to leave the children ... I missed the children terribly," he explained. In mid-2003 the doctor lost his job for a while and was unable to pay full maintenance. "The children advised me that the respondent would not allow them to drink coffee at home, telling them I had not paid her enough money," he said of the woman. Of her own choice his ex-wife had early in 2004 decided that the boys should live with him and his partner. "It was clear to me, while exercising access to the children, that they were neglected while living with the respondent. Their clothes were always untidy, they would not brush their teeth or worry about their personal hygiene," he elaborated. When the boys came to live with him and his partner, the doctor noticed that their school marks improved from 50 percent to an average 82 percent. "The respondent complained to both (him and his partner) that he (the 12-year-old boy) was overachieving and that she was concerned about him because she knew there was something wrong with him and needed him to be in some sort of therapy," the doctor stated. During the time his sons came to live with them his ex-wife never paid a cent for maintenance. The doctor said he noted that when coming back from visiting their mother the boys would become withdrawn and focus on playing computer games. The doctor further submitted: "The respondent always viewed (the 14-year-old boy) as my child and (the 12-year-old) as her child." Last month the defendant showed up at his house to take the children back. "I enquired from her why she wanted to take the children away, especially in the light of the fact that they were in a stable environment and are happy with their lives. The respondent then alleged that she is concerned about the safety and emotional wellbeing of the children. I can only surmise that this was a thinly veiled attack on my homosexual lifestyle. "I fail to see how the respondent could, in the least bit, be concerned about the children's safety and emotional wellbeing when she herself allowed the children to watch movies and Playstation games with age restrictions of 16 years and older. "As already set out above, one such game was Vice City, a game where the player had to rape and/or kill a woman and evade arrest," argued the plaintiff. Judge Mohammed Jajbhay ordered that the doctor get temporary custody pending investigations by a family advocate.
Published on the Web by IOL on 2006-09-19 00:37:00 © Independent Online 2005. All rights reserved. IOL publishes this article in good faith but is not liable for any loss or damage caused by reliance on the information it contains.
Boy being raised by non-traditional family is 'full of the presence of God'Adopted by gays, child welcomed into his faith
A ruling in favour of gay parentshttp://www.thetelegram.com/news.aspx?storyID=52147
September 12 U.S. gay couples struggle to adoptBy Jim FinkleTue Sep 12, 8:21 AM ET When Richard Smith and Rob Tan decided to adopt a child, the San Francisco couple looked to Guatemala rather than battle a U.S. system that gay-rights advocates say discriminates against same-sex couples. And even then, Smith and Tan had to hide their sexual preference to adopt a child. Adoption is an arduous process for all prospective parents but same-sex couples say it is even tougher for them. Some are forced to lie about who they are. Others are only allowed to adopt older or troubled children who are hard to place. Smith, a former Catholic priest who left the Jesuit order to pursue life as an openly gay man, temporarily went back into the closet and sought approval to adopt as a single parent to avoid being disqualified based on his sexual orientation. Tan only became the child's second father in the eyes of the law after they brought the child to San Francisco and registered with the state of California. The number of gay couples parenting children is growing. U.S. Census data shows there were more than 161,000 families with children headed by gay couples in 2000 -- the first year such statistics were tracked. Those figures fail to include single gay parents like David Christian Hamblin of Rochester, New York. It took him four years to persuade skeptical social workers to let him adopt as a single, gay parent. When he finally won them over, they placed him with a particularly challenging case: Matthew, a child of a crack addict who was still wearing diapers at age 5, having been neglected by overburdened social-service agencies. Hamblin embraced the child, setting up a home office so that he would be around when the boy came home from school. "He has become an amazing young boy -- the light of my existence and the reason I get up every day," says Hamblin. ADOPTING AS A COUPLE Leigh Powers and Laura Patey exchanged vows in 1995, affirming their love in a Holy Union ceremony before a church congregation. They were legally married in 2004, when Massachusetts became the first and only U.S. state to legalize same-sex marriage. By then they were seasoned parents, having adopted two children, Jessie and Alex, both when they were age 11 and had spent years in foster homes. Massachusetts is one of a handful of U.S. states that let gay parents jointly adopt. Others include California, Connecticut, Illinois, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Oregon, Vermont and the District of Columbia. The process was relatively easy for the couple, they say, because they were adopting older children who spent years in foster care. "The thing that we always found most ironic is that people comment that gay and lesbian couples were not fit to be parents. But the kids they direct us to are the ones who are most difficult to care for," says Patey. "We don't think that being a gay or lesbian family is all that special," adds Powers. "The neat part is being in a position to be a part of a young person's life. To be a mentor, a guide along the journey." Smith and Tan say their adoption was worth the trouble. "When we went into this it was sort of a cerebral thing. It was 'This is a good thing to do. Lots of kids need homes,"' says Smith. "What kind of blew me away was just how much fun it would be and how much joy it would bring." Those living the life say gay families are really not much different from those with heterosexual parents. But that is disputed vehemently by some social conservatives. "Same sex unions deny children the vital relationship of either a mother or a father. That our public policies would sanction that position as the norm ... is unconscionable," says Evelyn Reilly of the Massachusetts Family Institute. An article in July's journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics dismisses such assertions, citing medical and academic research studies conducted since the 1970s as showing that kids raised by gay parents fare just as well as those raised by heterosexuals. Ellen Perrin, a professor at Tufts University Medical School who helped write that article, says gay families will continue to move into mainstream American society. "It isn't about whether these families will continue to exist," Perrin says. "It is really about whether these families have all the protections that other families are afforded." |
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